I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
