things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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