Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
