he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
