The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
