i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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