Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
