if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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