Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
