is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize