Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
