Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Watching her eat just hurts me
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
