so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
