You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
