I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
