That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
