I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
