I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
