fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
