Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
