i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
