yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
