Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
