So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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