let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have aggressive nipples.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
