so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
