Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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