wakey wakey hands off snakey
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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