I got chris browned last night
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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