So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
