i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
