Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
