Sponge bath it is.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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