So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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