I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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