I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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