Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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