I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
