well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize