So drunk, too bad you don't want this
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
