I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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