Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
