She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
