Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
