This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
