Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I could make wine with my vomit
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
