Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
