People with herpes should wear stickers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
