Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
