I'm really into asian looking animals
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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