And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize