he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
