I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize