I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Found your dick twin last night
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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