I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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