i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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