hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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