at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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