Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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