That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
