he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
