The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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