do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Randomize
