I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
