Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
