Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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