Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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