Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize