god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
