In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize