Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
