i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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