we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
